Thursday, January 31, 2008

What's the R&B without the R?

(R. Kelly leaving a Chicago court last week)

Looks like the Pied Piper of R&B has been playing his little tune for a while as allegations of him thinking the young Summer Bunnies had that Vibe go back as far as 1991.

Apparently fellow singer Alex Shipton turned him on like a neon light with her Honey Love…as they were married in 1994, which they both deny.

He showed Aaliyah Age Ain’t Nothing but a Number as they rocked Back and Forth then secretly married. The rumour was denied but Vibe magazine made sure the story wasn’t Trapped In The Closet as they published a copy of their marriage licence. Which also showed Aaliyah’s age had been falsely listed as 18 when she was actually 15.

R. kelly has made no bones about the fact that he like to get his freak on Like A Real Freak. He doesn’t see anything wrong with a little Bump & Grind and a touch of Hump Bounce while he’s Feeling on your Booty. But the biggest problem of all is this Unfinished Business with young girls which makes him Rise Up when he hears Your Body Calling.

I’m sure he’s wondering If I Could Turn Back The Hands Of Time to the day he decided to show The Real R.Kelly and give his protégé Sparkle’s niece a golden shower while she was Home Alone. On camera.
In June 2002, Kelly was indicted in Chicago for 21 counts of having sex with a minor, which were later reduced to soliciting a minor for child pornography, seven counts of videotaping the acts, and seven counts of producing child pornography. These charges came after viewing the tapes showed that there was no actual sexual intercourse involved. Kelly still faces 14 of the charges.

Unfortunately it doesn’t look like there are any Happy People who can help save him. Looks like Robert’s been having a Fiesta as he enjoyed The Best of Both Worlds as his sexual procilivites were kept Down Low.

Did You Ever Think that Robert would have been keeping this type of secret Down Low (Nobody Has To Know) for sooooo long?

And when we Thought The Storm Was Over..we find out in addition to the charges in Illinois, Kelly was being considered for further charges in Polk county Florida on January 23, 2003 on 12 counts of possession of child pornography when authorities alleged to have found a digital camera containing 12 pictures of an underage female with three of them showing Kelly and her engaged in intercourse. These claims were never proven, and the charges were dropped after the search that led to them was ruled illegal.

Andrea Lee Kelly must have moved her body like a Snake as she did a Slow Wind giving him that toot, toot and that beep, beep. She’d been a backup dancer that made it from the show, to the after party, then after party, it’s the hotel lobby. I guess she must have been a football coach the way she got him playing field as she got pregnant; they decided to go Half On A Baby and got married. She’s the mother of his son and two daughters.

Now R.Kelly and his wife are legally separated, but are in the process of getting a divorce. Bounce, bounce, bounce….

In November 2007, Kelly's longtime publicist, Regina Daniels, decided she’d done enough Steppin In The Name Of Love as issued a statement announcing she had resigned her position. "I have always prided myself on professionalism, respect and loyalty," Daniels said. "I ended my relationship with Kelly because there are some lines you just don't cross." Only The Loot Can Make Me Happy? Guess not for her.

The Kelly case has dragged on for five years without a trial and finally a trial date has been set for May 9. Kelly, 40, has pleaded not guilty to the charges and faces up to 15 years in prison if convicted.

Kelly risked arrest last month when he missed a court date. I guess he found a pretty mama when he was just in town for the weekend, looking for a little trouble to get into. And she probably had him busy singing thoia, thoia, thoia thong.

Last week the prosecution wanted a developmental paeditrician to testify that the girl allegedly on the tape, denying it was her, is a classic symptom of victims of child abuse.

Ok, clearly I'm poking fun at the case which is very serious and very disturbing. Why he started to call himself the Pied Piper is beyond me. The fact that Robert is a musical genius is one that isn’t questioned. He’s been churning out hit after hit since I was a kid. And while he’s had his hits, its astounding the number of hits he’s written for other people. Fortunate, Clubbin, Girlfiend, Hotel, You Are Not Alone, I’m Your Angel, Giggolo and many, many, many, many, many more.

What’s the R&B without the R? I’m guessing we’ll have to find out as from where I’m sitting looks like Kells is going down.


stephanie said...

LOL...Temi,this is a very serious issue oh.For me R&B is almost nothing without KELLS.I love him to death.He sings like woah and writes and produces...He has the midas touch.Its a shame he gets down like that tho.

Uzo said...

What? hav skillz....Loving this

Now R Kelly is like every other flawed genius out there..He has a cross..He like the little girls...Which is odd considering how he can pull the ladies of all ages without doing a thing...its a problem

He is also one of the luckiest guys out there....This thing has been dragging on for a while and he has been touring, making money and releasing albums...

Will he really go down? The evidence is astronomical against him...we will see

Tiger Tem said...

@ stephanie...was fun. Yes it is a very serious issue so I hope nobody thinks I'm belittling the magnitude of what he did.

BUT I love kells too! Clearly.. as I'm happily quoting his lyrics the whole way through. I think he's definitely a musical genius but I just don't the thing he has for young girls. Shades of grey I know but at least they're not like 10 and younger. And these american girls look 20 from the age of 12...maybe its an innocence thing.

@uzo...had so much fun writing this one! Saw the pic of him in the news and I knew I just had to write about it as his music is sooooo powerful for our generation.

You're right tho...its been a comedy of errors getting this case to trial.

I also have to say A,erica seems to have a thing for bringing rich, successful black men in the spotlight down. Biggie, 2pac, mike tyson, DMX and so many more I can't think of now. But maybe they're all just criminals who did good....

SET said...


adegbe said...

One word....Classic!

Anonymous said...

r'n'b without the r? less perverted!

Naija Chickito said...

He is just disgusting, always going after little children. What a waste.

Love the way you've served the gist. Very beautifully done!

lanre said...

first of all - absolutely cannot stand R Kelly.

The new logo really just hit me, I think it's really great - well done!

Tiger Tem said...


Apparently Regina quit as R. Kelly's publicist as he slept with her 19 year old daughter...who he's known since she was 4 and is 'like family'.....oh dear.

Anonymous said...

temmi i loooove it, you are hysterical and a really humorous, great writer, i am gonna be visiting your blog on a

areafada said...

Cleverly written. I'll 'borrow' your steez:
I hope they lock his ass up for a 5-10 year bid. When the boys in jail hear that, they'll Rise Up and start fighting for who's gonna be Bumpin and Grindin Mr. R. If it happened to Pac, Kells is gonna be Slow Windin everynight for some Happy People who'll want him to Act Like Real Freak and go Down Low.

Tiger Tem said...

@areafada....Ha ha ha! Nice one.

BOBS said...

Both him and Eddie Murphy need Anointing - Lagos style!