Marcy Marc and the Funny Bunch

Now that I've happily extoled the virtues of Mr Jacobs. Let the games begin.

Dear Reader, I give you The Louis Vuitton Joke Bag.

No, not being rude, that's what it is. But its not big and its not clever and it most definitely isn't funny. Marc Jacobs collaborated with Richard Prince for the new collection of bags but the jokes came from comedian (?) Henry Youngman.

The point of the bag is its covered in jokes. Could make for some amusing banter, but it doesn't.

The jokes read like a ...actually just read them for yourselves.

I quote

"Every time I meet a woman who can cook like my Mother....She looks like my Father."

Oh dear. Next.

"My wife went to the beauty shop and got a mud pack. For two days she looked beautiful. Then the mud fell off".

Oh wowza. Dare i say next?

"I've been married for thirty years and I'm still in love with the same woman. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me."

Har-de-ha.

And the piece de resistance...

"My wife is always asking for money. $200 one day, $150 the next, $125 after that. "That's crazy", my friend said. "What does she do with it? "I don't know", I said. "I never gave her any."

Maybe Marc needs to go back to rehab cos he must have been smoking the pipe to let this one through.

Or maybe the joke is on the women who buy it. You can just picture them in the design studio peeing their pants at the prospect of someone forking out $2000+ for such a silly bag. Maybe that's why its called the Joke Bag.

But here are more bags from the collection...I'll just bite my tongue for now.

No, no, no.

Special Items by Marc for marc by jacobs by Marc Jacobs

Ok, for the most part I'll give it to Marc Jacobs as being something of a genius. Not in a smart way but in a razor sharo way. He (well, his people) have read the market well and consistently deliver exactly what the customer wants. he has got to have the most diffusion lines on the market right now AND he's still creative director at Louis Vuitton (more on that later)

Marc Jacobs is high end for the monied socialiate and/or urban sophisticate.

Marc by Marc Jacobs is funkier, edgier and most importantly more accessible i.e. cheaper.

In case you didn't know, they've launched Marc Jacobs Special Items. Which is competing with Primark. No I'm not being rude, its true and its working a treat. Everything is under $100 (yes $ not £). And now that I've had a chance to take a peek, well it does look cheap. But in life, more often than not you get what you pay for.

The huge metallic tote for $58 or a smaller one for $48. Or his now famous Pan Am bag which I made a beeline for as soon as we went in, its only $64 for the big one and $48 for the smaller one.

The catch? They look like plastic up close, they feel like plastic and shock, horror, they are plastic. Or pleather...a word that gives me the chills. (Yeah, I'm not one for animal rights. There's a pecking order in society so there).

But the huge (its huge, I can easily hide behind one) metallic tote is only $64!!! And that's why people will buy it.

Marc Jacobs is a name we're all familiar with and designers are smart enough to know that the real money comes from the items they can shift in volume i.e. fragrances and accessories. How many women can afford a $5k that's cut away at the back, front and sides...and still look good in it. Celebs don't count cos they expect everything free anyway...and the numbers dwindle. Take into account that people with money tend to run a little older, and the number dwindles again ...you get the picture. So the big bucks come from the little people. Marc Jacobs is a cool brand. everybody wants a piece of Marc and with special items you can start with the $5 key ring. Very, very clever.

Metallic totes, look like foil and feel like rubber but at $48 and $54, what do you expect. And the interesting thing is I'm sure it's going to help boost sales of Marc by Marc Jacobs...which is targeted at younger people. Who doesn't love a bargain? But the key factor is who doesn't despise cheap cack with a passion?

Marc Jacobs Special Items is like a quiet message that says, look over there, save up a little, spend a little more and you get MUCH, MUCH better quality. And in this day and age where everybody plays with plastic....what difference does it really make?

(and that ladies and gentlemen is why credit card companies make so much frickin cash).

Blood Red & Leopard...

Maybe I'm getting old, maybe my magazine obsession is laying not very subtle messages in my head but right now I'm obsessed with bordeaux patent shoes, and the perfect leopard print bag...

Black patent is a bit blah and as most of you know, I don't really do black accessories. A bit....blah.

But this deep sexy dark red, bordeaux is just so sexy in a vampish, dominatrix way or perhaps in a slick, controlled with a little unexpected twist....take your pick.

How hot are these shoes? Christian Louboutin, yep.

Oh but wait, i actually think I prefer these Stuart Weitzmans.

And leopard print....animal print is always a bit tricky. being black those jungle connotations do my head, I think its purely as a result of being overexposed to the spice girls the first time round where 'Scary Spice' i.e. the black one, was ALWAYS in animal print and jungle-esque clothing. Er, hello stylist?

Anyway, many moons later now I'm far more likely to associated excess animal print with many a Slutlana seen skulking around in Selfridges and Harrods, but they just don't know how to do it properly. When it's done properly, leopard print can look supersexy in a borderline trampy way. Emphasis on borderline though. You don't actually want to cross over to trampville, that's usually a one way ticket...so if you do, see ya!

If you want to rock some leopard print, keep it simple. Stick to accessories, it usually works better. Buy the best you can afford, and choose the ponyskin, not that faux furry cack which looks cheap, feels cheap and oh, shock horror...is cheap. I was in a rather large department store recently oohing and aahing over the new season bags and I was all about the Dolce and Gabbana Animalier. They (and their billion dollar enterprise) have an uncanny knack for pulling off that borderline trampy thing I'm talking about. Its all about excess, debauchery, glamour but you're still a woman who gets treated like a lady. Me likey.

So very simple, yet so very effective. But fret not, Tiger Tem will be doing an animalier this xmas! And I for one, cannot wait!

And this L.A.M.B. Grantham bag is a little more funky and the powers that be would probably decsribe it as urban and street too...sigh.

And for a night out, this Charles David one is just perfect, the calfskin leopard and the bordeaux patent....grrrrrr.

Oh yes, and coloured denim. Definitely been a no go zone in my opinion...but then I saw these, I'll try them on and let you know if they make the cut. But they look HOT. Oh but obviously NOt to be worn with the leopard print and/or bordeaux patent...ewww.

Sex and The City...The Return

By now, every single woman under the sun must know that yes, at long last there's a Sex And The City Movie in the making.

Now I'm all for plot spoilers cos at the end of the day, Sex And The City had such a talented crew that put the show together, no matter how many twists and turns are leaked, there will still be some classic comedy, drama and high octane glamour moments that will make the film worth every penny.

But more importantly, I want to know what the girls are wearing.

The TV show spawned a few trends of its own and the film is certainly going bigger and better in every way as its making the transition from the small screen to the big screen, its supersizing its fashion too.

Patricia Field is back on board and with an oscar under her belt for the Devil Wears Prada, she's really upped the ante this time.

First up, we have a classic Carrie ensemble. A cute, fun, flirty strapless dress with a little something added by that eyelet belt and a lot of something added by that feathered Ferragamo bag.

And then we have the supersize corsage. Love it or hate it....I love it, just not so crazy about the shoes. But apparently the shoe thing is a key trend...forget the super feminine delicate shoes of the TV show, now Carrie is rocking some chunky, studded Dior Gladiator sandals in a choice of 2 finishes. Black patent and Brown snakeskin.

The most hyped new accessory from the film so far has to be this vile Eiffel Tower bag from Timmy Woods. I hate it. But Americans are so obsessed with Paris and Parisian style so I'm sure there are thousands of women who want one right now!

Next up, zut alors, Carrie 'not-the-marrying-kind' in a wedding dress! Well rumour has it that either her and Big tie the knot or its a very elaborate dream sequence. I don't think they should get married, it just makes their union seem so much more conventional when in reality it was anything but. Dress by Vivienne Westwood and Patricia Field kept up the feathery theme with a turquoise fascinator. Quirky ensemble yes, me likey? No. But then again, I don't need to.

So the bridesmaids...looking a little like the Wicthes Of Eastwick but I guess it was always going to be a very un conventional looking wedding. I just hope they didn't plump for some naff venue.
Interestingly enough, Miranda's overall look is by far my favourite. The black dress on Charlotte looks a little severe, Samanthat looks a little Copacabana...which leaves Miranda in pole position. Who would ever have thought that day would come?

And for a bit of affirmative action, we have Jennifer Hudson as Carrie's assistant. I loved her in

DreamGirls, she totally stole the show. So I'm hoping she works some magic in this as well which would make her a bona fide fantastic actress. Not crazy about the outfit, I know the bag is Chanel but nah. But the boots could work. I'd wear them with a black outfit, or maybe red, either way I'm usually a walking colour riot but even I'd say just one colour would have looked a lot better. But who am I to argue with Patricia Field. Interesting choice of hair....what are your views on that?

And last up we have the ladies looking their usual Manhattan's finest.

But oh wait, what's that......

One last look at the past? Or the future ready to mow them down?